Three times they said I can't

As the nation celebrated its 70^th year of independence, the word ‘independent’ means different things to us. Both patriotism and cynicism can be seen in ample measure on social media. Many of us will refer to the independence from British colonial brutality. While that was an important objective by itself, independence is much more than freedom from oppression. To me, independence is the freedom to be the navigator of one’s own destiny. As a nation, that’s a path that we finally got on to 70 years back. We’ve done quite well for ourselves. Even our worst outcomes, including corrupt politicians and demagogic leaders, has all been the result of our democratic process. Good or bad, whatever decisions have been made were ours.

Independence is also something that we fight for in our everyday lives. So many of my female friends need to fight that battle with society and their families, which have a particular expectation of what females should and (more importantly) shouldn’t do. We also strive for independence from society’s pressures, expectations and fears. It’s a battle that all of us navigate all the time. Therefore, this independence day, I want to talk about three times when those around me provided advice that I eventually discarded. I see many friends get discouraged by what people around them say; they let their thoughts be coloured by the fears and biases of those they listen to. I believe that independence from fear is important as we strive towards something that we believe in. If there’s one lesson that I hold very dear, it is the lesson to not let others dictate the path of my life.

1) You will not get the Rhodes Scholarship

After spending a year as a management consultant at McKinsey, I decided to apply for the Rhodes Scholarship. When I was at St. Stephen’s, we perceived the scholarship as some sort of mythical distinction bestowed upon those who displayed a high degree of academic, extra-curricular or sports achievement. When I reached out to my professors for their recommendations, one of the senior professors remarked, “but they won’t give you the scholarship now.” I protested and said that my break from academics won’t prevent me from doing well in the course. “It’s not about the coursework – that’s not the hard bit. Once you’ve been marked with the corporate sector, they wouldn’t want to give it to you.” One of my closest friends at that time said later, “I support you in this, but realistically, there’s no way you would get the scholarship. You’ve worked in the corporate sector, after all.” On the day of the interview, I felt I had nothing to lose and had an interesting interview experience. While one of the panel members later told me that my inclusion had been a contentious decision, I did finally make it.

2) Indians don’t get a distinction on the M.Phil.

After having done poorly on my first-year macroeconomics paper, I thought that I might fail the first year of my M.Phil. At a party that evening, I ran into an Indian senior from the course, who comforted me that I would easily pass that particular paper. However, she added, “Doing well will be difficult because Indian degrees don’t prepare us well for this course.” Throughout the year, I heard about how difficult the math was, how demanding the assignments were and how competitive the classmates were. The pressure weighed quite heavily on me, especially the insinuation that it has something to do with my country and its economic degrees. I also wanted to prove that one could do well in the degree without studying all the time. I lived the two best years of my life through parties, dinners, dancing and travel. The challenge of it all egged me on. I remember listening to patriotic Bollywood songs right before my M.Phil. exams. I did well eventually, easily getting a distinction on the degree.

3) Non-engineers, non-doctors don’t do well on the CAT

This is one that I had heard way too often. The story went that engineers and doctors are so much better at math, and in general so much more hard-working, that they easily outperform others on the CAT. This, it was said, led the IIMs to relax entry requirements for non-engineers and non-doctors. Having not taken the engineering entrance examinations, I didn’t know how I stacked up against engineers. I internalised the logic to such an extent that I started believing that I’m bad at maths. I worked hard, very hard, on the quantitative section of the paper. Eventually, that paid off. I scored a 100 percentile on the CAT. The only non-engineer, non-doctor to do so.

Over time, as we earn more - money, reputation, relationships - we become more risk averse. We start wanting to protect what we have and lose the fearlessness of youth. Fear creeps in. That is when I find it useful to remind myself that there were times when people who mattered to me said that I can't do something, that I listened to myself and did it anyway, and that I succeeded. I look forward to listening from you about the times when you ignored those negative voices and your stories of personal triumph!