A new phase of life will begin soon. While I am as excited as I should be, there is a part of me that is afraid. College was an amazing time, and I must say that the personal and intellectual growth that I experienced in College was tremendous. This post was supposed to be a preamble to my future, but I just realised that I have never written about my time in College, and never put it in perspective. So, let me do that here. Let me take names one final time before I walk into the proverbial sunset.
Call me juvenile, but I must say the truth and nothing else. Much of what I learnt at College was at the Finance and Investment Cell. No, I am not talking about learning finance. Neither am I talking about the Excel skills. The people I met in the society have changed my world view. I cannot imagine where I would be had I not been part of this society - and for me, it is nothing less than revolutionary. The kind of freedom that I experienced at F&I made me what I am. Till then, I had the independence but I never knew what to do with it. Karan never pretended (or perhaps even wanted) to be a mentor, but that is precisely what he has been to me. He would probably chide me for putting this here, but I've always looked up to him. Every time when I faced a problem at F&I, I wondered what Karan would have done. I still have rough edges in my public life - but I have come a long way, and I owe much of it to him. Then there was Sanjay bhaiyya. I probably have never seen a person as much loved and respected as he was in College, but I respect him so much for something that still brings tears to my eyes (and it is doing so as I write). It was April 2 2011, on a day that would easily be the worst in my College life, and I had held up well; and then to hear him, just brought forward such strong emotions.
It was also at F&I that I met the person who would be the most important aspect of my college life - my best friend, my chaddi buddy Manchit Mahajan. We have such divergent personalities and world views (as our recent MBTI analysis at ISB revealed) that it is surprising we got along at all. Manchit has this thing about him that makes him the most reliable of friends. I would not have been able to go to the IIM interviews had it not been for Manchit, and so many more such instances. His room in Allnutt North was my first home in my first year (my own room being my 'second home'). He's enriched my life in so many ways that thanks would be an understatement. I owe my life to him - literally and metaphorically.
Finally, there were the juniors, but I leave that for later. At F&I, I learnt the virtues of respect and honesty that I still hold, and will continue to hold, very dear to me. In the context of biased decision-making in other societies, and in my vicinity at large, I learnt to uphold what is right and unbiased at all costs, personal or otherwise. These are traits that I am sure will define me as I love ahead in life - respect and honesty. This has been my greatest learning at F&I, and at times it amazes me how much a College society can teach you.
Friendship, like any other relationship, is one of give and take. You give respect, love and warmth and you receive the same. Hence, it isn't quite possible to decompose which of the two is the greater. I have made some amazing friends at College (again, I exclude the juniors for now) - Swati, Kashish, Juhi, Pooja, Pranati. Everybody would say that his/her friends are amazing, and there is nothing I can say to convince you that mine are, more than anybody else's. If you look at how many arguments Kashish and I have had over these years, and how much we still care about each other and stay connected, then probably the 'amazingness' will creep in. He's so simple and naive that you'd be stunned that people like that are still present in our world!
Swati and I have often been more like 'partners in crime'. We have worked together on so many things that it is hard to keep count. The funniest thing is that I have absolutely no idea of when we became friends. My oldest memory of Swati is of December in our first year, on that 'fateful day'. She is the noble soul who tries to sort out the mess wherever she sees it. Juhi has been an absolute inspiration! The heights of sporting success that she's witnessed is the kind of stuff that I can only dream of. I'm sorry to Era for not mentioning here. But, to be fair to me, we became really good friends after College got over. I'll miss Kolkata primarily because I'll miss her.
Moving away from friendships for a moment, St. Stephen's as an institution itself has contributed so much to who I am. It is a unique College - I cannot judge whether it is better or worse than the others. I, like many others, prefer to call it a bubble. It is a warm bubble, for sure. The teaching, as much as we like to criticise it, is first-rate. I do not believe there would be too many other Colleges where many put in effort not to score, but to either learn, or out of respect for the teacher. I have done the latter, very often. There is a unique way in which each teacher challenges you. In saying so, I probably speak only of my department, but I see no reason that it should not extend to the others. Some teachers have even taught me so much about life (of course, unintentionally). For a person who came into College quite sure of following the Eco(H)+IIM+Job route, I believe that the College has transformed me completely. I'm sure that many who know me wouldn't agree. Have patience, there is a lot more still to come!
What is one thing, just one thing, that I find unique about Stephania? It is the bonding. No, not the bond of being 'Stephanian'. I refer to the bond of being so humane. What I will take away from College, and cherish with me forever, is the kind of respect that I have been showered here. I absolutely adore my juniors, and they've become such an integral part of my life. At times, I have felt obligated towards them. Much of what I achieved in College was because I wanted to give back to them something that would justify their unflinching faith in me.
Gaurav is so helpful to everyone that it is hard to believe that it is even humanly possible. He's also an inspiration in how to give yourself to others in wonderful ways. About Suhani, there is little that I can say. She's a very strong and unique person, and there have been so many times when she's been a source of support and strength. We share a very unique bond, in that we talk very little about each others' lives. But there is such good understanding, without the need to communicate, that I can forcefully say that I'm not going to experience again. As for Juni, I can only say that sometimes when I feel lonely, down and out, just remembering her say 'Bhadra!' in her trademark style can cheer me.
I thought I would not feel so attached to any junior as I had become to them. I was wrong. There are two friends of mine who've helped inflate my ego in wonderful ways (for the record, my inflated ego is often a good thing). Arnav would probably not recollect it, but he once said (and I paraphrase) 'God saved you for the best and worst of things'. I turn to that sentence very often to rejuvinate my sagging spirits. And then there is Niket. It's hard to imagine that someone who I was trying to avoid online before we came to College is today one of my best friends. There are more people who I could write about - Abhisek, Shruti, Anoothi, Anshuman, Sambodhi among others - but I will avoid that for lack of space. Otherwise, this will become a 'thank you' exercise that I don't intend it to become. I'll thank these guys individually anyway.
Every story needs a tragedy. I have fought myself over this repeatedly over the past few weeks. A part of me wants to keep it within. A part wants to feel liberated. The kind of trauma that I went through in my second year is what I would wish nobody goes through. However, it also made me a much better person in several ways. I still learn a lot from that episode, and it has put my life in a higher growth trajectory. I do not want to look back and judge whether I was right, or he was. There is a part of me that would tend to move on, to reach out. There is a part that would still live those days for the rest of my life. It is the union of both parts that makes me complete.
This is easily the longest post in my life. Yet, it is a minuscule glimpse into three years that I have barely spoken about. In memory of these three years, I can think of only one way to put it - I have loved, and lost. Lost, only to gain far more.
Signing off!
