It has been a long time since I posted on this blog. In fact, this is the first entry since I started working. For those of my friends who know me as phlegmatic, my yearning for College over the last two months would come as a surprise. There have been some days when I have woken up with an intense feeling of emptiness. The first few weekends in Delhi, I traveled frantically to College, in order to be connected to the place. Over time, the feeling has dissipated, but what I ask myself is whether I have become accustomed to it, or have I found a way to circumvent it?
There is one truth I have realised - what is my image of College will gradually cease to exist. Yes, the buildings will exist as they have always done. But, for me, College consisted of two things - the spirit, and the people. The people have mostly gone; and even though I'll meet them less often, I am fairly confident that I will not find my life wanting in this regard. The 'spirit' that I talk about was one of liberation. I was liberated from what I used to be. It is in College that I did things I would never imagine myself doing. I bothered less about what society expects of me, and more about what makes me happy. I grew intensely selfish and yet, unimaginably selfless.
My College life was a fairytale - it is something I can imagine telling someone very excitedly about. It was a journey I wouldn't imagine myself going through. To put things in perspective, I have had two instances of national recognition academically; and yet, the academic achievement I feel most proud of was my performance in the last University examinations. I pushed myself to the very limit, and I came out trumps - I cannot imagine anything else meaning more to me than that. In fact, every time I arrive at the Kolkata airport, I look at the spot where I was first told the news, and I instantly feel so complete. That feeling, truly, is the raison-de-etre of my existence.
The tagline of The Namesake - the greatest journey is one that brings you home - has been a lodestone for me. Today, as I take a step back from work, and finally have some time to think about the bigger questions of life, I realise that for some time, I tried hard to 'fit in'. Eventually, I realised that it was pointless. Today, I am raring to be myself under all situations. I remember that when I came to College, I would say 'namaste' with folded hands to everybody I met. On one hand, it satisfied my urge to be different, while on the other it gave me a sense of being able to do what I wanted to, and not just confirm to certain stereotypes. I believe that this streak gave me all the success that I experienced in College.
When you are able to do what you want to do, it feels really special. For me, doing this something different has never meant doing something different. It has always meant doing something differently (this again goes back to Class IV, when I hosted my school investiture ceremony and began with the quote - a leader is not one who does different things, but is one who does things differently). With all humility, and acknowledging my lack of experience, I would urge the reader to not be weighed down by fear. As someone who at several points in life looked at death very closely, I try to live every day such that I would be satisfied when death finally comes. Every tear has been as memorable as every laugh. Most of all, I feel that I have touched people's lives, as they have touched mine.
