"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle" - Plato

On my facebook home page, I come across status messages put up by my College juniors where they talk about how epic their three years in College have been. It gives me immense joy to see people who see their past three years, and perhaps earlier, as a dream, or a journey. It is heartening to read about people looking back fondly at a 'great battle' that they have just fought. It is hard for me to imagine my life minus the story that I have weaved it into.

I look at my life as a great battle too. There have been three instances where I 'leased out' a part of my life to someone, and in each case I ended up getting terribly bruised. You do learn about people on the other wise, but that learning is too specific to be of much use. More importantly, I learnt more about myself, about my value systems, about what matters to me and what doesn't.

I discovered that the best 'metric' of love is the ability to withstand pain and still love. I think I've done quite well on that front. What I now begin to wonder is whether it is worth it. I believe there's a tendency in each one of us to take this 'great battle' analogy too far, and then to drown in, and enjoy, this pool of self-pity. At some point, we need to step back and ask ourselves whether it is worth it.

I have unfortunately had the best and worst experiences with people. I've met people who've filled my life with love, and who've been a pillar of strength, without knowing it. Then there are those who have sought to have control over my life and dictate the way I live my life. It has given my life a new direction and a new purpose - free will.

What constitutes Free Will:

(1) The right to dream without constraints

(2) An unprejudiced society to discuss the dream

(3) A nourishing atmosphere to pursue the dream

(4) The right to fail, and not be branded for the failure

(5) Most importantly, the right to start afresh

These ideas are now quite dear to me, because I have been denied at least one of these at any point in my life, and that is the source of discontentment and disillusionment in my life. I value these, and I hope to dedicate the rest of my life to these 5 principles.

I intend to interpret these as both personal and societal objectives. It is as valid for me as an individual, as it is for my idea of an ideal society. I believe it is necessary both for my personal happiness, and our society's welfare. Perhaps this is what Plato meant by being kind. Everyone is fighting his/her own great battle. The least we can do is to let them, and support them.

For love, I live. For love, I die.

Work has kept me busy enough over the last few months for me to avoid the pangs of extreme sadness that grip me occasionally from time to time, ever since I started staying on my own starting in my Class XII. I have also noticed that most of these instances occur when I'm about to leave home. Earlier, it used to be the train journey back from home to college, and now it is the evening before I leave home. 

What pains me today is the fact that I'm either not talking, or not in touch with many people who formed an integral part of my college life. I have often not found the time or the occasion to let these people know how important they were to my life; and how without their involvement, my college life at best would have been mediocre.

I also miss those who I intensely loved while in college. That love has now faded, battered by the forces of indifference and intolerance. I staked that love to begin what has only been  very enriching personal journey for me. But I miss that love, that anchor in my life. Today, I feel rudderless. Even the pursuit of a cherished career goal seems so mundane. That love was the glue that held my college life together. It was the fuel that fired my dreams and ambitions. 

I recently watched the 1990s thriller, The Devil's Advocate, where Satan (played by Al Pacino) says that love is overrated, biochemically no different from eating chocolate. I'm not one of those who'd raise their hands and vehemently disagree. I harbour the room for doubts. But at the very least, it is a combination of emotions, and evidently one who's value is greater than the sum of value of its parts. Over the last two months, I've thought a lot about love, and here is a crystallisation of my thoughts:

1. Every relationship based on love must pass through tough times:
   Humans are a reflection of their experiences in life. Unless two people go through an exhaustive range of experiences and emotions, their relationship, at best, would remain an unsure one. You will never know the answer to 'what ifs'. You can always argue that you have faith, but given that a man's experiences can change him, your faith will be unfounded. Of course, experiences are infinite and continuous. However, I look at it in terms of probability - as long as you have covered the most common emotions (and estrangement being a very important one), you can be sure that, in most situations, you will sail through.
   
2. Love can be one-sided, but contented love cannot:
   There is nothing in love that prevents it from being one-sided. However, for it to be a contented one, reciprocity and several other things are necessary. For this, I keep turning to Sridevi's final speech in the movie 'English Vinglish'. She says that any imbalance between two people in love can create unhappiness, and this unhappiness will gain momentum because an unhappy person cannot make others happy. She talks about the need for the two people in love to keep supporting the other, when he or she falls back. This is where I've found myself most lacking. I don't think I've been as supportive as I should have, especially given the relative calmness on my professional side. Respect and warmth are basic human needs from a relationship. Love must provide those to be truly successful.
   
3. The most important aspects of love are patience and support:
   This is in continuation with the chain of thought in (2). Patience is needed because apart from the relationship, the two people are also individuals - individuals who will want to challenge their shortcomings, weave dreams and then sail to unknown shores to achieve them. Sometimes the paths they take will seem strange, and will challenge our value systems. But we need to have the patience to let them explore, and either achieve their aims, or falter in the process. For an individual to grow, he or she needs a nurturing environment. Most of us need a positive reinforcement in whatever we do, and love is a forum on which we should always get it.
   
4. Most importantly, love never ends:
   If it ended, it wasn't love. If the sight of the person after a long time doesn't make your heartbeat go  faster, it wasn't love. Love knows (or should know) every aspect of the other person's persona, and hence no new information or experience should be able to 'end' love. However, what if the experience changes the person in such a way that the aspects you loved are no longer present? The question boils down to whether experiences can change a person's intrinsic nature, and I don't have an answer to that.