Twins

I have been thinking of writing this post for a long time; and yet, something has been preventing me from doing so. Perhaps the enormity of the emotions I want to express, and my lack of faith in my ability to do so. Or maybe I have just been procrastinating. In either case, I think I must now make an attempt to write down what I feel.

India. 

I have recently been thinking intensely about what the relationship between my country and me is. How did this country impact who I am? And how do I interact with the country? How do I conduct myself as an Indian, both within the country and outside? What is my role in the millennia - old traditions of my nation? What colour do I add to the tapestry of our culture?

Thankfully, I realised that the question is much easier for me than it is for citizens of most other countries. India is an island. For thousands of years, the country has existed in peace with the world around it - never has any kingdom of the country mounted a large-scale and sustained invasion/migration to any other nation. The result being that I can say with some degree of confidence that my ancestors have inhabited this land since time immemorial. My religion, Hinduism, has remained isolated and stubborn in this little patch of land. My culture might have irradiated other parts of Asia and the world at large - but it has had an unbroken tradition going back to the beginning of history. The idea of my nation comes most naturally to me.

Indians.

To try and define Indians as an entity is probably the most difficult aspect of the jigsaw. Not only are there so many of us, but there is often very little similarity between us. We squabble, argue, litigate, riot and disagree in every way possible. What then keeps us Indian? As a Delhi boy, what is my link to someone in rural Kerala who looks very different and doesn't speak the same language as me? How do I associate with someone from Mizoram, a state whose people I have never seen and who also look very different from how I look.

How is it that we kill each other on religious grounds, yet our three top actors are all Muslims? How is it that we demolish mosques, and yet vote to make an Islamic mausoleum one of the wonders of the world? The more I think about Indians, I am amazed at just how well we have organised ourselves as a nation.

To get a sense of just how much we have achieved, we need to look at our neighbourhood. A failed Islamic democracy, a country torn by ethnic conflict, a country still dangling without a constitution, one torn between two chieftains, another still one of the most autocratic regimes, and our biggest neighbour - and rival - constantly criticised for the lack of human rights. Look further into Asia, into the constant upheaval of the middle East, to begin to understand how unique the country is. In every study of freedom and democracy, we are the outliers, the exceptions. I am in awe, so I will not even try to find reasons.t 

I,

Thinking through these various issues, peace finally came to me when I realised the profound impact this culture has had on me. Firstly, by virtue of being part of a millennia-old tradition, I feel rooted. I am well aware of my space in this narrative. The Indian identity comes to my rescue whenever I feel restless. Secondly, my very emotional composition is a reflection of this culture. We are an emotional and petulant people, with a strong moral compass that we are often not aware of ourselves. Our greatest strength is the power of sacrifice. We sacrifice, for our family, for those who we love, for our religion, for our language, for what we believe in. We are in love with the idea of love itself. 

I see myself as an inheritor of a great legacy. I cherish every moment of my life, to an extent that if my life was to be terminated today, I would say that it was the best ever. What makes this feeling most beautiful is that I could not have said this at every moment in life. I have felt despondent, morbid, depressed at so many junctures. But the light and warmth of love has kept me going. The sacrifice of my family and my loved ones has given me strength. I toil to keep going, because I know I am not alone. Because my country, my culture, my religion has taught me that this isn't about me. 

Like Krishna, I attempt to balance between the serious and the trivial, the sensual and the spiritual, the cunning and the generous, the temporary and the ephemeral. I seek to enjoy life, in all its colour, but keep unbroken my sense of a greater purpose.

Of course, none of this suggests that we are perfect, or even superior in any way. We riot, we kill, we rape - obviously not everything is alright. But above all of this, we hope. We hope that one day we will organise ourselves into a society which is better for all of us. I believe it is this hope that not only keeps our country together, but also helps our country grow as rapidly as it has recently. 

I, for one, am very hopeful. We are a lazy bunch. But day-by-day, year-by-year, we are making progress. We will get annoyed, argue, fight, sulk, but then get back together. Chipping away at the layers of ignorance, arrogance, greed, and indifference. I am certain (not just hopeful) that India will continue to shine, and demonstrate that a people can peacefully organise themselves and improve their lot. I end with Tagore - "Where the mind is without fear and head is held high. Where knowledge is free. Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls. Where words come out from the depth of truth. Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection. Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit. Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever widening thought and action. Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."