Sometimes, I read what people have written about me on various social media fora, and I have an urge to write back - either to clarify or to deny, perhaps even to retaliate. This is the amygdala hijack that psychologists talk about. Since somewhere, my emotional core is threatened, I will tend to react immediately, without much thought.
But then I hold myself back. I consult a few friends who are more level-headed. They tell me to hold back, to not write, to not engage in public vilification of others. To damage someone's self esteem is one of the most detrimental things that you can do to them, and though I'm sure I've done it several times, but it is neither correct not encouraged. True love isn't about going on writing thesis on what true love is; it isn't about trying to feel loved by enabling others to act in a particular way. We're humans, we have our pitfalls - we might never know what true love is. All we can do is to be kind, because everyone here is fighting a great battle.
I'm not immune to public opinion - I keep on reading what was written about me. It is an experiment, a Gandhi-esque experiment. To hold back, to not respond; to keep loving, praying and hoping. It is an experiment to not shout back at my own hollowness; to not blame others for my miseries. Nobody can control me, or hurt me, unless I let them; and I hope I'll never blame anybody for hurting me.
I should do whatever it takes for me to be happy; because if I'm not happy, I can't make people around me happy. I would love to be in a world where we are all inter-connected capsules of happiness. I will not shout at my hollowness; but move on, make new bonds, live new lives. Because every new person is going to teach me something, and as the eternal traveler, I must learn.
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