I believe that it’s rather easy
to be a ‘good’ person when it’s all going well, it’s when you’re tested that
holding on to those ‘values’ gets difficult. In the past two years, few things
have tested my composure as consistently as Twitter. What I have realised
during my two years on Twitter is that public discourse is driven by perception
and emotion as much as by the truth. I have found it very challenging to try
and have a meaningful conversation in that setting, while maintaining an
unbreakable bond with cold, hard facts.
Working on issues that are seeing
a very active and polarised discussion is never easy to start with. I have been
aggressively tagged and attacked either personally, or as part of my
organisation. The ‘guilt through association’ syndrome and conspiracy theories
abound on twitter, and I’ve seen my fair share of that. Some days, I’ve woken
up and read something blatantly incorrect being written about my work and it
makes me both upset and angry. Towards the middle of last year, I realised that
I was carrying that anger with me through the day. It was taking a toll on me,
both physically and emotionally. It just
wasn’t working for me – I was neither feeling happy, nor able to convince
anyone on twitter who attacked my work.
That’s when I decided that things
have to change. I’ve followed a few guiding principles that I now want to try
and articulate.
Speak more with less
Twitter is a rather loud place -
several people I follow tweet multiple times a day. At times, I found myself
tempted to follow their lead by tweeting my reaction to several news or
articles I read. That was, however, rather delusional of me. Nobody really
cares about my opinion on things. The pressure to react quickly also meant that
I didn’t take time to process and read more about things. This was also
contrary to my natural tendency, which is to investigate things before making a
comment. Therefore, I now try to post if
and only if necessary. I try and focus on things where I have something new
to say, or to demonstrate my support for an organisation or a cause that I really care about. The contours of what
is important will evolve, of course.
The one-day response rule
The beauty of twitter is that
with a few jabs of my fingertips, I can post a very public response to someone
who’s criticised or questioned me. However, the individual at the other end has
exactly that ability as well. Therefore, we end up in a place where we’re
constantly going back-and-forth, almost like a prisoner’s dilemma game. Moreover, the initial fight-or-flight reaction, which on full display on twitter, isn’t
necessarily the most useful. Time heals everything, and part of the reason that
it is able to do so is because it helps us overcome the first emotional
reaction, and think through issues. Therefore, I now resist the temptation to
reply immediately to a provocation on twitter. By day two, I’m most likely to
choose not to respond. Even when I do, it is more likely to be a less
confrontational tweet than I’d have put out earlier.
De-escalate and take offline
I have met many people in life
who are very aggressive online and yet exceptionally kind and gentle in real
life. Our social media profiles, including facebook, linkedin and twitter, are
rarely a reflection of who we really are. I continue to believe in the innate
goodness of human beings, driven to do ‘bad’ things because of anger, greed,
lust, revenge and other vices. Therefore, I believe that meeting a critic in
person is a much better way to engage. We will be forced to spend many minutes,
not a few characters, getting to know each. I have not yet found an adequate
substitute of a face-to-face meeting. Therefore, I try to reach out to individuals
and set up a real-world meeting. The few times that I’ve been able to do that,
I have found the exercise very effective and cathartic.
Be good, say good
This is the most ambiguous and
difficult of all. When faced with a barrage of negative comments, how does one
maintain equanimity and continue to engage positively? I have found it next to
impossible, for two reasons. Firstly, ‘goodness’ requires more patience than
rudeness. Therefore, it is a massive time sink, which few of us can afford with
our busy lives. Secondly, goodness is very easy to make fun of, and a ‘good,
kind’ person risks very public humiliation. Therefore, this remains an
aspiration for me. I hope that one day, I can move towards being a very
positive person. For those who know me well, they’ll realise that it is going
to be very challenging. But, well, what’s life without challenges.
So, these are my four norms of
maintaining humility on twitter. This post, of course, is about public
discourse. But I believe that if one can do this on twitter, other interactions
should be a cakewalk. Twitter brings out the worst in us, but it is when we are
confronted with our worst that we can demonstrate, to ourselves and those
around us, our best.
